California, US (BBN)-There was excitement today as the sporting and scientific worlds collided like lovestruck asteroids when NASA announced they had discovered an "earthlike planet capable of supporting cricket".
The sphere, pre-supplied with oxygen, water and wifi, was additionally found to have large swathes of land covered in a bizarre green substance resembling that which used to be found on English Test pitches, reports ESPNcricinfo.
The exact nature of this tufty growth has mystified scientists, as well as Lord's chief groundsman Mick Hunt, but some bods at mission control are already starting to label it ''grass".
The new planet, which after intense lobbying from Cricket South Africa the space agency have agreed to call KeplerWessels-452b, also has its fair share of dusty wastelands and rocky straits, news that has particularly pleased R Ashwin and Mitchell Johnson respectively.
Reaction to the find from around the globe has generally been positive, with David Warner especially excited that the stronger gravity on the planet may help him survive more than a couple of overs of Moeen Ali without holing out.
England captain Alastair Cook was a little more cautious about the possibilities of extraterrestrial fixtures but generally upbeat. "Obviously when we heard KeplerWessels-452b might be capable of supporting cricket we were initially a bit apprehensive," he admitted.
"In fact, I said to the guys, 'Oh curses, guys. After that last Test we've got enough problems with unfamiliar surfaces already!' and some of them laughed in a focused way. Then Stokesy asked me if I'd have any problem flying to the outer reaches of the galaxy in a space shuttle and I said, 'Well, I prefer it to driving!' and again there was some laughter in a focused manner, which pleased me because the guys understood I was self-deprecatingly referring to my scoring areas and so on, and that's the sort of banter me and the guys have. So, yeah, we're pretty positive about it all. Also, I look a bit like a pretty android."
Plans to export cricket infrastructure out to the new planet have already been put in place, with a probe containing bats, balls, stumps and Marais Erasmus set to be launched from Dubai within the next week.
The ICC is also said to be quite keen to have the technology found in NASA's $550 million telescope fitted to the eyes of Kumar Dharmasena, with chief executive, Dave Richardson, further revealing he had given some thought to who would be the first cricketing pioneers to visit the planet.
"There's been some fantastic cricket during the recent World T20 qualifiers," he said.
"So what better way to reward these Associate players than by sending them to another galaxy to try out these exciting new conditions.
NASA estimates the new planet is around 1400 light years away, which means these players might not be back in time to play in the next few World Cups, but I guess we'll just muddle through without them.
Obviously the voyage will be a bit of a risky undertaking, what with the high chance of death and so forth, so my colleague Clarke has suggested that someone used to a starry lifestyle after being cast adrift into an endless void should go along to keep an eye on things. I haven't spoken to KP yet, but I'm confident he'll give it a try, especially if we can convince him there's already a KeplerLunarMax T20 tournament on the go."
With Pietersen yet to confirm his availability to lead the mission, however, in an unexpected twist recovering rogue Mohammad Amir put himself forward for the role in a bid to show that despite his past misdemeanours he could be the man to take cricket into the future.
Speaking to reporters as he practised experiencing warp speed by listening to Saeed Ajmal talking, the wayward pace cadet explained why he was so keen to travel to KeplerWessels-452b: ''This is one small overstep for man. One giant leap for my career.''
BBN/SK/AD